题目：Pressure on school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to study hard when they are young. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Today,school and university students are under heavy academic pressure and many of them are forced to studyhard at an early age.
考官批注:collocation: heavy pressure - use “intense pressure”
考官对于考生的词汇选择是有倾向性(preference)的！用heavy来修饰pressure是绝对可以的。但考官还是认为应该用intense pressure。“heavy pressure”不是他作为一个native speaker首先会想到的第一选择，所以完全有可能在词汇（Lexical Resource）这个部分扣你的分。
In my opinion, it is a negative development in general.
考官批注：why use this phrase?
Chinese English的错误：我们在中文里经常听到有人说“XX总体来说还是一个好同志”，但仔细一想，在英语当中诸位有听过哪位英美人士说”I think Tom is a good guy IN GENERAL”吗？
改写成：To my knowledge, although forced study may benefit students academically, it is likely to bring more negative effect.
Admittedly,there can be benefits of such ‘forced study’. To be more specific, most students are likely to have improved academic performances. Forced study does work in keeping young students away from distractions such as video games or comic books and forcing them to spend more time concentrating on studies. As aresult, most students are indeed more likely to get higher scores in exams.
Despite the benefit,potential problems should not be neglected.First of all, forced study is likely to result in psychological problems to students.
上一段已经有过用forced study开头的句子了，因此从语言的多样性考虑，考官要求我把这里的forced study替换掉。因此这里我把主语改成了’forcing young students to study’.对于有高分需求的考生，需要考虑此点。
Forcing young students, who are mentally fragile in general, to study hard imposes much pressure on them. Sometimes students find the pressure so overwhelming that some of them may simply collapse or even commit suicide in the face of it.
考官批注：excellentsentences and lexical resources
Moreover, the practice may also deteriorate students’ practical skills.
考官批注：①pushing students too hard
②Such as? Give examples because this is unclear.
practice为什么不可以用？仔细一看英文解释看出问题来了：A wayof doing sth that is the USUAL or expected way in a particular organization orsituation. 所以确切来说practice应该指针对某种情况通常的做法，但本文讨论的逼迫学生从小拼命学习显然并不是一个非常usual的做法。
Practical skills原本在我的理解当中就是“动手能力”的意思。考官为何说“thisis unclear”呢？原来在英语当中practical skills是一个包含了很多个子集的非常笼统的概念。
…… is beneficial for the development of the society.(具体社会的哪方面发展了？经济还是文化还是科技？)
As is known, the improvement of one’s practicalskills is solely based on much time of practice.
考官批注：time devoted to practice
However, when students are forced to spend theirtime studying all day, they are actually deprived of the opportunities toparticipate in practical work.
考官批注：what do you mean? give some examples/expand your point
As a result, many students become ‘nerds’ who may even be unable to do any housework at all.
考官批注：you’ll need to explain what this term means as it’s very colloquial
Finally, this practice also has negative effect on students’interpersonal contact. For example, a student who is excessively immersed in studies tends to become socially awkward and often ends up having few friends.
考官批注：excellent point and clear support
To conclude, forced study may help students in improving academic performances. Nevertheless,the only benefit is obviously dwarfed by the problems it may involve. For this reason, I reaffirm my conviction that it is not advisable to force students to study hard too early.
考官批注：this is a really good ending
This is a GOOD essay. There are some excellent complex sentences which contain a range of lexis and grammar. However, you tend to repeat some of the key words(forced study, practices, force).
In addition, you need to give some clear examples in order to make it clear for the reader （practicalskills, practical work）
Here are the IELTS scores:
IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score
Task Response You wrote about 300 which is on the long side for Task 2. Make sure you manage your time as you will not have much time for Task 1.
Your first paragraph paraphrases the question well and includes your opinion.
You make relevant points but as said above make sure you give examples and possibly include some real life examples.
The conclusion rounds off the essay very effectively. 7.0
Cohesion and coherence
There is a clear overall progression in the writing and ideas are arranged coherently. Paragraphs are very well constructed. You use a variety of linkers throughout. Sentences